Consent is a critical part of any sexual experience.
No matter the type of sex someone is having, with one partner or multiple partners, consent means actively and enthusiastically agreeing to participate.
An easy way to ensure consent is by remembering FRIES.
Consent is always….
Freely given: partners agree, without pressure or being forced, to engage in a specific activity.
Reversable: Consent is ongoing. It doesn’t matter if it’s the first time you’ve been with a person or the hundredth time, or even if you agreed to sex earlier: you’re 100% allowed to say “stop” at any time.
Informed: All partners are able to freely and clearly speak for themselves and are not incapacitated, passed out, or asleep. All partners are clear about their wants and needs, explicitly stating their personal boundaries and respecting the boundaries of all partners.
Enthusiastic: All partners are in agreement about engaging in sexual activity and clearly indicate they want to participate.
Specific: Each partner agrees to each new activity. Just because someone agrees to kissing, does not mean they agree to clothes coming off or any other behavior. Each experience requires consent.
Remember FRIES when talking about consent.
Here are a few ways to ask for consent:
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“Is it OK if I [X, Y, Z]?”
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“Do you want me to [X, Y, Z]?”
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“Can I _____ your ______?”
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“What do you want me to do? What makes you feel good?”
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“I want to make sure you’re comfortable. Should I keep going?” or, “It’s okay if you don’t want to do this. Tell me what you want to do.”
Bottom line: Consent is ALWAYS a part of any sexual experience. Having open and honest discussions with your partner(s) will help ensure everyone is comfortable, agreeable, and excited to participate.